Sunday, October 15, 2006

It's 4 a.m. I ought to be sleeping, but I'm not. I ought to be studying, but I'm not.

I'm having my usual bouts of worthlessness- something that's happening very often nowadays. I'm tired of a lot of things, and I don't think I have the courage to walk away from others, let alone walking away from myself- or a part of myself I have grown to detest.



Na Kisi Ki Aankh Ka Noor Hoon
Na Kisi Ke Dil Ka Qaraar Hoon
Jo Kisi Ke Kaam Na Aa Sake
Main Woh Ek Musht-e-Gubaar Hoon.

Bahadur Shah Zafar, or so he claimed. Circa 1860.

This is not really supposed to be a blog entry. After three years, my blog seems to be fulfilling the purpose of a diary as well. But then, what is the point of a diary visible to the world? Am I trying to prove I have nothing to hide?

It's odd, but unlike other people. I have never composed a blog entry. I write,and after writing, I edit the spelling and grammar. My drafts folder has perpetually been empty.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Avikg@rediffmail.com said...

HI manav u should post more often...met koval i think she said ur emailz manavkapur@rediffmail.com but itz not working.Contact me pronto.See ya!

6:29 am  
Anonymous Avikg@rediffmail.com said...

Manav i recently read The sailor who fell from grace with the sea by Yukio Mishima.I kinda associated great lit wit the goras In Europe and USA...but trust me,he's the greatest guy i've come across in recent times along with Pamuk.YM better.Yasunari Kawabata(snow country-good)bought Master of go,thousand cranes and the sound of the mountain and Junichiro Tanizaki(some prefer nettles-av.Makioka sisters-good.)Bought The Key which i remember had got thumbs up in Khushwant's column ;-) are good too.It unfortunately has an improper cover....I've turned into a japanophile,what with great manga anime and lit and it's potential as a military and economic counterweight against China.Koizumi rulz or rather ruld.
His and Abe's agenda to change the pacifist constitution have been strenghtened by the nork nuke...
.I also bought rouse up o young men of the new age by Kanzaburo Oe.It supposedly contains references to Blake's poetry and has one of his paintings on the cover(tiny), which inspired my impulse purchase.I'm impatiently saving up money for another shopping spree next yr,but now it'll be manga and children's literature.Pray that DU is generous with prize money..Have u been quizzing?.I tried out just once last yr at hindu.Narrowly weeded out.Why don't we get Manga in India?!.U got to order from the us..i been hunting on Amazon..Most are 9.95$each.I'm tired of internet downloads..also some disappear of the internet after they appear in the US market.Happened withIchigo Mashimaro,but foundd it on AMazon:-).Check out Pretty Face my first manga,u get the first few chaps on Downloadanime.org and the rest all over the web.It is about a guy who accid gets plastic surguried by a perverted doc into his crush's lost twin sis.Can he find the real one?Can he hide his maleness?.Hilarious and naughty.A pale view of the hills was good.Wikipedia helped me understand it better.I bought siddhartha thinking it was about buddha,but turns out Buddha only has a cameo....The Glass Bead Game was better.Why the heck did both editions i saw have Buddha on the cover?!.IN fact i first saw it in the temple with Japanese frescos in Sarnath this yr.S rulz,Varanasi
literally and metaphorically stank.
OK maybe that was harsh..at least the boat ride was good i got got to see Animax the Anime channel..i saw Inuyasha after ages.Same in Kolkata.Also saw Ranma funny and Arjuna.Arjuna is the most philosophical and ground breaking cartoon or any book i've seen.It ranks with War and Peace-the first time i've compared anything with WOP.Japanese ones are more ground breaking and deal wwith adult content unlike usa..I will save up to buy it on Amazon.com along with a necessary DVD player from the same region.I got Twin Spica,the first anime i really liked on the internet.Why oh why dont i get Animax which is devoted to anime?!!! MR.Bengal basher,let me inform u we have made a comeback under Buddhaji..However progress also means a flyover right before Indian Mus :-(I also met a fellow bengali enthu of manga and anime on the train to varanasi..the first kindred indian to share my passion..sniff..BTW the frescoes were commissioned by the Imperial gov..I thought Jap used to have Shintoism as the state religion..maybe this explaains th video of Hirohito bowing to a Buddha statue.BTW the bong said notice the number of lions on the capital..whaat was the secret?.It and the statue of the serene Buddha were sublime.Bought the Sea with My name..boring.Abandoned after 25 pages.Have u read my name is red?!Beautiful love story cum murder mystery cum meditation on the meaning of art.It centers on Islamic art with frequent mentions of Akbar,who was trying to lure Istanbul's artists to work for him.I know this will interest u! Was reading it when he got the Nobel.OF course,i'm still pissed a)they didn't give a nobel to Tolstoy Maupassant or Mishima.heck,Gandhi(i dont like him)didnt get one,which proves a lot.
b)Non fiction writers like Freud and Derrida who have prefoundly influenced lit are generally ignored.ONly exceptions Bergson and Russell.
c)non entities get the prize like the Chinese guy whose name i can't recall
d)do u think politics was behind the awarding of writers like Pasternak and the chinaman?.I found Dr.Zhivago weird.What are ur thoughts.Sorry for my rambling,we just have a lot to catch up on.

7:27 am  
Anonymous Avikg@rediffmail.com said...

i think i broke all records of longest comment;-)

7:31 am  
Anonymous Avikg@rediffmail.com said...

BTW ur Pakistan piece rocked..

7:33 am  
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__________________

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Blogger Shamli said...

thank god... i thought i was the only psycho checking my grammar.

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Blogger Puja said...

Manav you gorgeous beast..How are you?
Excellent blog. vrinda marwah is LSR president:))

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Blogger avikg said...

manav,come out of sanyas.

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