Tuesday, May 05, 2009

I have exams, again. They depress me. I have a submission tomorrow. I should not be blogging.

If only life made sense.

So, well, it's may now.My sojourn at Santa Clara is coming to an end. I can't say I'm glad. I've had brilliant fun here. Gotten to know so many people I would otherwise never have met. Exorcised some ghosts, and discovered others. But I'm going to be back home. That makes up for a lot of things.

My favourite song recently has been "Chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye ham dono". This means I've been listening to it non-stop, while writing answers, while chatting, or while in the loo. There's something so poignant in the lyrics, in the realisation you knew someone so well at some point that you know what he or she is thinking now, in the plea that both forget what they meant (and, evidently, still do) to each other, that they re-invent their relationship, escape from the past. And yet, the sorrow of the fact that its over, that it cannot but end. The fact that even though one rationalises it, one still weeps.

This depresses me, because I still know some people better than they would admit- either to me, or to themselves.

Or maybe, I read too much into the song.

I still have four minutes to go before my break ends. The break, by the way, is a fraud break, in the sense that it has not been preceded by any constructive work. I'm stuck- lost in Legalese and conflict of laws. Gah.

I was reading old entries- I'm finally able to do those without cringing- and I realised that I was scared about school ending, sometime around the beginning of Class 12. I'm now at the equivalent point- NALSAR has one more year to go, and unfortunately, I'm as clueless about what I plan to be. Less worried, though. Less scared about people being there.

It's ironic. For someone who was the most worried about friends staying in touch, I turned out to be the person who stays in touch the least. I would try to explain that to people, except I think we're past the stage where we owe each other any explanations.

And that is Gah.

And the clock strikes six. Manav gets back to Trade Secrets.


Blogger Shrey said...

Fraud Break!! LOL

6:10 pm  
Blogger Vrinda said...

We are. But in good way. I sent you a card.

2:23 pm  

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