Monday, July 20, 2009

There will be a longer post soon, I promise. Telling you all about what I have been up to over the last few months.

The events of today, though:

Imagine, if you will, a sleepless night. Your knowing that something very close to your heart will not happen. The resignation, as it were, seeping in. Waking up in the morning, already worn out, having exhausted yourself. Sitting in class for an hour- looking at people happy and laughing, and secretly hating their guts for their smugness- for the fact that they were born with something you think you can't achieve.

The bell rings, and you're out. You walk to the Computer to check. Your hands are trembling; you fumble with an unfamiliar keyboard. Search. A friend comes over, takes a look at the screen- knows what you're hunting for. Stands next to you, a hand consolingly on your shoulder. You check, but you're too nervous to really process what you read.

"Go up" says your friend, as you fumble ineptly with the mouse. Up you go. "Go down", he says again. You look at the link. You see words, you struggle to see what they mean. You click on the link.

The unthinkable has happened. Against all hope, against confirmed opinion, it's done.


I had such a moment today. Euphoria followed. Hug, a big one to the friend. Then another hug, this time to another friend. As the magnitude of the victory sank in, tears of relief came. A phone was put into my hand, an international call made. There was very little conversation, I couldn't stop sobbing.

Thank you, you who have to deal with me. You who listen throughout the night. You who give me advice. You who I sat up nights with on the roof of BH-III (And alas, will no longer sit with there). You who...are just THERE.

And thank you, this huge hodgepodge of a country I come from. I am so proud of you.

Also, a ghazal I have been listening to incessantly over the last week- whether angry, depressed or thankful. It's related.

Hum Dekhenge, Laazim Hai Ke Hum Bhi Dekhenge
Woh Din Ke Jiska Waada Hai, Hum Dekhenge

Jab Zulm-o-Sitam ke Koh-e-Giraan, Rui ki Tarah Ud Jaayenge
Hum Mehqoomon ke Paaon Tale, Yeh Dharte Dhar-Dhar Dharkegi,
Aur Ahl-e-Hakam Ke Sar Oopar, Jab Bijli karh- Karh Karhkegi,Hum Dekhenge


Uthega An-'al-Haq Ka Naara, Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho,
Aur Raaj Karegi Khalm-e-Khuda, Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho,

Hum Dekhenge

This has been a slightly cryptic post. It cannot be otherwise.