Sunday, February 29, 2004

War suspended until end of papers.
Dilsa jab saathi paaya, to bechaini bhi saath mili

Saturday, February 28, 2004

The conch shells have been blown, along with the bugles. We are at war.
On this day, the 29th of January 2004, it is declared that Of Life and Lurrrve... is at war with The Journal of the Bloodfist Klan.
Oft have we borne stoically the Insults and Calumnies of the leader of the (snigger) Klan. No longer shall we submit to this. There is a time for fun, and a time for peace. A day may come when we submit to this, when we forsake our self-respect, and lose all our aatmasammaan, but it is not this. THIS DAY WE FIGHT! Our will is set. The infidel leader of the Klan, who hath abused our tribe for long, shall be driven in the dust.

The Lord above knows we have never been the aggressors. Indeed, we have often extended the warm hand of friendship. No longer. No longer shall we allow our friendship to be mistaken for weakness. We may be peaceful, but we care about our honour. We shall assuage our dignity.

Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that, should This Blog and its allies last for a thousand years, men will still say "THIS was their finest hour.

I call upon those who have courage, those who are honourable, and those who have Internet space support us. To the others-
"Tremble, tyrants and traitors
The shame of all good men"

PS - With profound apologies to Winston Churchill, Tolkien, La Marseillaise and indirectly, Shakespeare

Friday, February 27, 2004

I'm no longer depressed now. My chhala has disappeared.
According to Nisheeth I am the most obnoxious person on the Planet.
Well, obnoxious I may (may. mind you, and I think Dhruv Dahiya is worse) be, but Nisheeth takes the cake in noxiosity (Is that the word?). Known for his trouser-tearing farts in Class 9, as well as eating Kheer with tomato sauce (which might have been the reason for the farts!), year he seems to have become ickier still. Az Gays has proudly informed the world about the fact that "I have basically stopped bathing, having last done so on boxing day (26th). It is therefore advised that anyone living in or around the city of New Delhi invest in gas masks"

He has personally confessed to me that he did not have a bath for at least 20 day in the height of summer. What beats me is how his family live with it.

As Gays also brings a putrid-smelling tiffin to school.
What could be more noxious and obnoxious than that?

And he calls ME Obnoxious. (demented laughter ensues)


Tuesday, February 24, 2004

If thats not all, my English is terrible in thie last entry.

Monday, February 23, 2004

Good Evening All.
I have been asked why I have not enabled comments on my blog. See, all of those reading this blog have their own blogs, and also know me. As a result, if there's something that they want to ask, they can pick up taliphun and call.
Furthermore, it is MY Blog. Mine. Mera. Le Mien. Got the message? Good.

PC and Bhavya are going to Kanpur on wednesday for a science thingie. Whatever one might say about Science(And Abhishek Raman, referred to on Bhavya's blog, has said quite a lot!) Its quizzes are stuffed with $$$. With PC and Bhavya winning more than a thousand in a (needless to say, Science) quiz. Best of luck to them.

What else should I tell thee, gentle reader? Exams come closer. Ek jaan aur laakh gham, ghut ke reh jaaye na ham... Oh, I 'm completely off Nazneen now, with no trace of the lurrrve that existed for her. Am hunting for someone else now. Bhavya suggested Copal, who is duffer genius, Though looks wise she is hottie, her habit of saying "paahdon" when she doesn't get something (which, frankly, happens quite often) annoys me.

Those who hath insulted this blog, May Your Jewels Wither into Cottonseeds! Cool line, na? Thank you, VP.

I go now, Mathematics beckons.

Friday, February 20, 2004

Bonjour mes amis!
Today was selection for head boy, or Bada Aadmi, as Bhavya calls it.
Was quite good for some, namely Prateek, who now is almost certain to become head boy, Raman, since he did not pee in his pants, which is the most one can expect from him, and Sud.
I bunked my English period today, which is one of the first times I have ever bunked classes in my life, However, I later realised that we had anyway been called for photos, which makes my bunking legitimate. (Unlike Abeer Guha, who is a bastard) Ha Ha Ha!
Malika Pukhraj also died two weeks back, making this the third musical personality to depart from this world within a week.
This is one of my most disjointed entries, but I'm bored and tired.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Hello Darling Helo, Hum tum pe Marela Hai!
Cheerio to all, today happens to be Temporary insanity day, because of which I am temporarily insane. For those who argue that that is how I am always, well, they can derive orgasmic pleasure by shoving gaajar-moolis up their arses. From what Karan informs me, I realise that that will also enable them to stimulate their G-spots. HOW Karan knows about the location of the Male G-Spot I have no idea. Please consult him for further details.
We have our clas Picnic tommorow, and we have decided to go to Nehru Park, which makes me remember a similar picnic in Class 10. We shall. that day, be going with Aakriti Prasad's class, which heightens the sense of Deja-vu, since last time, it was the day before the picnic that I had proposed to her for the first time, no prizes for guessing her answer, which neccessitated a second, third and fourth (albeit half-willed) proposal, each with the same result.
Oh, I have been meaning to write about a certain incident that took place last week. I was chatting with Nisheeth online, while reading assorted blogs, when I opened Karan's (blog, you perverse people) and saw a rather explicit photo of Janet Jackson's mammary glands.
In one of the most SLAGIATT (Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time) actions I have ever performed, I decided to send this to Nisheeth, using the Send files thingie on MSN.
So far so good.
However, I had not considered the possibility that Nisheeth's Mataji and Pitaji might be in the room, which they were. This led to the following chain of events.
1- Nisheeth opens the Successfully recieved file, and with horror gazes at Janet's titties with his mummiji right behing him.
2- Mataji leaves room to tell Pitaji, who happened to be out of the room at that point of time.
3- Nisheeth is summoned to Pitaji's room.
4- Pitaji gives Nisheeth -
a)- A discourse on the birds and bees, which is rather surprising, since Nisheeth is almost 17, and one supposes his parents would have given it to him earlier.
2- A lecture on the Importance (Impotence, in Sumanspeak) of a good Moral Character.
And last, but not the least.
3- A discourse of judging people before choosing friends, which I think is rather unfair, since Aunty and Uncle have no idea of what I am, and hpw My Moral Character is.
However, I have a sneaky suspicion that my Moral Character will not find favour with them, since even the most charitable of persons cannot describe the aforementioned Moral Character being quite Pristine.
As a result of all that happened, I seem to have been declared persona non-grata at the Sharma residence, and can not call him up without the blush of shame upon the mantle of my cheek. Wail!
In yet another example of SLAGIATT, I poked a board-pin up Karan Misra's rear end, for no other reason that the fact that such had been my wont at that time. Needless to say, the funny side of the matter was not what appealed to him, and methinks it did not quite stimulate his G-Spot, which has previously been mentioned. HA HA HA!
Moving on, tomorrow happens to be the day that the head boy is chosen for school. As a result, I wish PC, Bhavya, Karan, Sud, and Zafar luck. (Zafar, poor guy, needs the most). May the best man win!. My prediction is that PC will Pakka be one head-boy, the other I cannot say.
My English teacher is displeased with me for not having submitted my English Homework since November, a fact that has however not influenced her Monday test marking, where I have got a cool 32/40. Yay!. However, she has telephoned saadi mataji, who is now mazorly pissed with me. Swaah.

Oh, by the way, Aadisht's W-Fillet is on, where votes are needed for his entry to win. All of you, therefore, shall go to and vote for him every day.
Thanking You
Yours Sincerely

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Today I shall give you a character sketch of my teachers-
1- Padmavathy Shrinivasan- Padma teaches us History, and has gone from being nice maternal teacher to Lalita Pawar in less than a week with our class. She's stopped giving us notes, and has become razzer intolerant with our class. Methinks she is overworked and needs rest and recuperation among those people who believe themselves to be Napoleon Bonaparte.
2- Rupa Das- Elle est Bangla, Need I say more?
3- Shashibala Aggarwal- Shashibala ma'am teaches us maths, and is a sweetie. She is a maths teacher cursed with XI-R, a class that patently does not want to learn mathematics. As a result, she has to contend with people doing Shamshad Begum imitations in her class, eating their tiffins, and bunking on a scale hitherto unknown to teachers. Yet she only says one thing "Beta, this is not the way." I love her.
4- Atika Dayal- Atika Dayal teaches english. and is known by a large variety of nicknames which I shall not mention heyar. She does not quite ceyar for me, since I have not submitted my english homework for the past six months. Well, is theyar any point in doing it? She's planning to knock off 5 marks from my paper, and shall not speyar me, even though I have told her to read the merchant of Venice again, specially Portia's speech.
"The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:"
I feyar that my English paper will not be the best I have ever given.

5- Last, but not the least. Mrs. Suman Lata.
Email me for more information about Suman Ma'am!

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

I must apologise for my long (and wholly warranted) absence.
Darahsal, it was my cousins wedding yesterday due to which I was very busy. Since another cousin of mine has asked me to record this event for posterity, I shall do the honours today.
The job of a historian is a very complex one, and that of a contemporar historian even more arduous. Keeping all this in mind, kindly excuse any factual errors. This is solely for Tinks. the rest can go faak themselves.
The first of the ceremonies (The Shagan) happened on the 7th of February 2004, at the Panchsheel Club, New Delhi. The food there was quite remarkable, and I can assure you that I have never had such good vegetarian food in my life (This has a lot to do with the fact that I've hardly ever had vegetarian food anywhere, preffering Taamsik non-veg food.). Since nothing ever happens in a shagan, I shall not continue to waste time, effoirt and online space by blathering on
On the 8th was the Ladies Sangeet. For all those who do not know what a ladies Sangeet in a Punjabi wedding is, its when a multitude of women (and in this case, a guy-moi) decide to sing a host of Punjabi Folk songs, mostly bitching about evil mother-in-laws, and relly senti ones about Vidaai, making up for a complete lack of singing talent with a great deal of gusto, accompanied with a dholki, and a chammach (spoon doesn't quite capture it!).
The problem here was that no one quite knew how to bajaao the dholki apart from Maaji, who is 80-odd and could not sit down for long. As a result, we had to settle for a rather indifferent performance.
According to everyone, I sung rather well, All the BJs (Buddhi Janaanis) and the not-so BJs were very impressed with my knowledge of Punju folk songs (all courtesy Surinder Kaur, and Ritika didi's wedding 8 years ago.) after which we had an antaakshari session, where I sang Shamshad Begum songs with my nasal pitch, making everyone put cotton inside ears. Well, in my defence, I enjoyed myself.
The Mehndi and the shaadi shall be dealt with oin the next post.
PS- Saada chidiyaan da chamba ve, baabal asaan ud jaana

Monday, February 02, 2004

I have been in semi-mourning for the last 3 days. As mentioned in my last blog, Suraiya died on the 31st of January 2004, at Kishendas Hospital in South Mumbai, at 9.25 AM of diabetes mellitus, low blood pressure and, to put the lid on things, a heart that decided to stop beating.
Evidently. the only people from the film industry to come for her funeral were Dilip Kumar, who as far as I know dd not act with her in any film, and Dharmendra. who went to see her Dillagi 40 times from his Pind in Punjab. Dev Anand did not bother to go for her funeral, which shows major bastardpanti, since it was on account of him that she never got married. According to sundry stories about her on the net, it was after their break-up that her career started plumetting.
I couldn't go for her funeral, and she's a Muslim, so there is no question of a chautha or an uthala, which I would certainly have attended.
Anyway, I have decided to resume my normal life, which basically means that it is not only Suraiya's songs I shall hear, but shall go back to my Shamshad Begum and Noorjehan.
I am not feeling rather well today, sohave bunked the economics monday test.
Buh Bye then