Saturday, October 31, 2009

Eloquence just flees sometimes when you don't know what to say.

So let's just start with a story. I have often contemplated the possibility of death. It has not frightened me- not mine, at any rate. I have just wondered how people would react were I dead. Unfortunately, the last two days have brought me uncomfortably close to death.

So, this is what happens. Shock for the first three hours. Grief for a day, or two, or a week, or a month. Soon, however, things start kicking in. Life starts going on. Projects have to still be submitted. Group IDs, that seemed so busy with condolence messages, start again with demands for projects/letters of recommendation/whatever.

I'm not saying its a bad thing. I'm not saying it shows a lack of feeling. I'm not disputing the factum of grief. Not saying that those who move on are ghouls. Some of them have lost much more than what most of us have

Just this: That life- for most of us- will go on eventually, a little poorer for the loss. There are very few people you are indispensable to, and when you go, you've pretty much shattered their lives. For all the others, your friends, your classmates, people you know- but not too well, things WILL eventually come back to...well, not normal as they knew it earlier, but a normal slightly off an axis. All I think one should do, is look at those who one IS indispensable to, and wonder what our actions will do to them. If you're lucky, you yourself will be one of them.

This was meant to be a condolence post when I started out. It isn't. Just rambling. Requiescat In Pace.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

How is one supposed to deal with Anger?

I am temperamental, occasionally immature, moody, prone to whininess. In fact, a lot of things. The one thing I am usually not, though, is angry. In the sense of white-hot, testosterone-driven rage, not really my thing. Usually.

Sometimes, though, it snaps. Fury envelopes me, and I don't know what to do about it. My heart pounds like a piston, I breathe fast, and I can break someone's face. Usually, the mood passes. It leaves me feeling foolish.

I am unsure, though, of whether I should channelise the anger, go and punch somebody in their bloody face, and feel satisfied, or wait for it to evaporate, and feel foolish.

This time, though, I shall NOT apologise. If you want a fight (or even if you don't, but you test my patience), you get one.